sun's great today!

hello world.

went to send chaoliang off to taiwan on wed's night. saw andy and kenn at the airport as well. yup. so i guess i'll see him next month. hopefully he'll return safe and sound.

yeah. today's another great day, especially so after i had a long, deep sleep the previous night. i only had little sleep for the past 2 days mah. so now im feeling good. ha.

anyway, met zzz and rox at vj this morning. there was teachers' day celebrations today. went back to see mr tan! i realised he has more wrinkles on his face now.. hmm. anyway, talked, tried on shoes. so yes, i am gonna get a pair of adizero for $94 when market price is $209! woohoo! cheap cheap cheap. zzz ordered the same thing as me, and rox got a pair of saucony shoes. aileen, if only u were there, then can order new shoes too! and funny la, saw aileen's racers on the pe dept floor. rox spotted it, then we realise it was aileen's. ha.

after tt went parkway to makan. went treats. and i ate fish slice porridge and chee cheong fun. wah, finally, something light after days of unhealthy eating. ha. it's like, everytime i go home during the weekend, i'll ask my mum to cook porridge and flish slice soup cos i will be eating crap food in school. need to 'detox' over the weekend sia. ha. so we ate and talked abt many stuff! it was so fun, talking and catching up with them. ha. then rox had to go back sch cos she left her specs and bottle in school. poor girl. she had to go back ntu for lesson.

then went zzz's house to tan. sun's super good today. finally, after many days of gloominess.. and now im burnt. ha. yes. this is pathetic. but the sun's warmth was comforting. ha.

zzz, send me the photo we took we mr tan hor!

ok, now must check my stocks market thingy and do my tutorial liao...
and hooray, hairspray with angela tmr!

on a happy day!

hello world.

yesterday was a happy day!

Firstly, army half marathon went well! woke up at 3.20am and left home at 4am. took cab down to esplandae there. there were many people there. guys especially. Waited for aileen and her friend, sheila, to arrive. deposited our bags at the counter and made our way to the starting point.

before we even reached the bridge, the race for competitive 21km had already started! ha. we were like, what the hell man... but since we were given a timing chip, it didnt matter that we started later.

so off we went! easy jog at first.. i felt good. the weather was nice, very cooling. i guess cos it's the sky's still dark. ha. so we ran past lau pa sat, maxwell food centre, marina south there..initially we were running together, then by the time we reached sheares bridge, i broke away from them. oops...

but it was fun, targetting every women i saw on the way and aimed to overtake them. ha. yes, evil me. then reached fort road and into east coast park.. cos the road was narrower there, so harder to overtake people. but the challenge was fun. ha. so squeezed in between people, ran out of the pavement to overtake people. ha. then u-turned near east coast macs there and ran back to fort road. from there, ran past kallang netball centre and then to nicoll highway, and back to esplanade. saw zhenyi at knc at. she was running 21km too.

stopped at 2 water points to take some sips of water. luckily didnt get stitch. yup, sipping's the way. i realised when i ran, i didnt feel that breathless. in fact, my breathing was pretty controlled. it was the lactic acid in the legs that quite jialat. ha, especially so when there was about 2km left. when i was running, i was thinking, wah, i did 21km and the lactic is already so much. i wonder how i was gna suffer the full marathon at the end of the year. ha. but nvm, still got time to train...

finally was a few hundred metres away from the finishing point. chionged and tadah! my timing was 2hr 5 mins! woohoo! i aimed for 2hr 30mins actually. so very happy that i was well within my aim. and i beat samuel! ha. his timing was between 2hr 5 mins to 2hr 10mins. muahaha. didnt see him running though. cos i was in the competitive category, his was non-competitive. their starting time was later than ours, yup.

the feeling was good! i felt at ease during the run. this whole thing makes me love running more. ha. the satisfaction and the runner's high after the run were something that money cant buy. lol. (sounds like the mastercard ad)

check out the reflections..

met fana and weel there too. fana was there to meet dex cos it was his bday ytd. weel was there to see her eye candy, who unfortunately, sprained his ankle and didnt run. then went to meet samuel and chatted with him for a while. saw brian mama too! he was the one who noticed me first. saw sockling, mathew kang, enguene also. wanted to meet mr tan, but he was already in his car, on his way home when i smsed him.

then me, fana and weel went to subway at marina square, then to donut factory outlet at suntec. my first time eating such donuts. ha. yes, the double chocolate is simply divine and sinful. while eating, he smsed me, asking me if i was going back hall today cos he wanna meet me back at the hall. he was booking in later at 11pm and meeting me there was more shun lu for him. initially i didnt wanna go back hall today cos i was very lazy. and i love my home. ha. but then, in the end, still went back. ha.

surprisingly, im not aching as much as i thought i would. woot.

i took mum's keys by mistake in the morning, and so she took mine to grandma's place at bishan. without my keys, i cant enter my room. so i cabbed down to bishan to pick up the keys. suay suay i got a taxi driver who didnt know his way around and so the usual cabfare of $8 plus became $10 plus. sigh. then from bishan, went to jurong point taxi stand to pick him up, then finally back to hall. total cabfare was ard $27.

so we talked and all. then ordered pizza. when i returned from refilling water, he surprised me by decorating the room with lightsticks! it was so beautiful, i tell ya. settled out some stuff. glad to hear that he felt better during the time-out. it was all worth it. sadly, he's leaving for taiwan on 29th night. might be meeting him one last time on tuesday before he flies off.

so yes, yesterday was a good good day. very very happy. partly cos of the run, and mostly due to him. yeah. :D

and oh ya, sadly, this 25 yr old captain collapsed after the run and passed away. and dex knew him. sad. he was so young...

lightstick!

on huge cargo ships

Hello world.

Went to collect this book prize today. It's given by keppel credit union... cos dad works at keppel shipyard.. yup. travelled all the way to jurong east mrt, then got a bus to drive us in to the shipyard. when i first entered the place, i was like, wow.

There were quite a number of super huge cargo ships. it's like, i always see them from a distance when i go to the beach, but this time round im like so near to them. it's amazing how such a huge ship can be built la.

Somehow the ships look small here.. or shld i say 'diminished'? ha. reminds me of the secondary school physics, abt camera image being diminished.. ya, must be there to truly see it then got more impact. ha. and ya, many bicycles ard.. i rmb there was this ch 8 drama serial abt the shipyard thingy, got christopher lee, dawn yeoh, qi yuwu... yup. pretty cool place.

saw jasmine teo there. i rmb seeing her when i was there to receive the bursary for my O levels. we chatted. she's now in nus law. then i found out ms lui has migrated to the states. and many teachers have left tkgs... eg mrs karen tan, mrs koh..

and yeah, with the bursary, i finally dont feel so heartpain on the money i spent this month. spent so much on school stuff... and maybe got some extra.. ha. alvin has 20% discount for levi's jeans cos it's his bday month, and i feel like buying jeans, cos it's been a while since i've bought a pair of jeans.. so went down to raffles city shopping centre outlet to check out the model and sizes. i picked up 2 pairs, but both dont have my size. how suay is tt. tried other models. they look good on the rack, but not on me. ha. got too much cloth on me. sad. the designs were nice.

tmr's the run! woohoo! like finally... gotta wake up at 3 plus am tmr, then take cab down to city hall mrt then walk to esplanade. cant wait!

and now, back to my tutorials and projects...

on ...

hello world.

the tv in my hostel room is working liao! woot. managed to watch the last episode of honour and passion and desperate housewives yesterday. sad. many shows have ended or are going to end their seasons.. eg ugly betty, desperate hsewives, gilmore girls have ended... prison break is ending.. seems to me that ch 5's have some crappy shows in mind.. like america's got talent, or smthing like dat.

anyway, im bored. in my room now. aneesa's asleep at 8.39pm. ha. guess it's my fault la, always waking her up in the morning at 7 plus. cos when i wake up, will tend to make some noise, like opening and closing the door and all..

i miss home. ha. i miss my family. though i leave for home on thursdays, just spending 3 days away from home has made me homesick. ha. I love my mummy, my daddy and my jie-jie... to think the army guys have to stay 5-6 days away, and suffering. respect to them..

damn knee is failing me again. when i went to see the sports doc last friday, he said nth too serious, and i can cont running, just do more stretches. and he gave me an open date appt. jsut after his appt, i went for a run and tadeh. sharp persistent pain. great. just great. and ahm is this sunday. i hope my knee can last thru the route sia.. so sick. my milege is so little... ARGH. just when i need endorphins to perk me up. ya, i can go abt doing cross training, but i just wanna run. and the weather is not helping me either. been raining.. cant swim. and im in need of a tan.

and lectures are getting harder.. i was staring at my accounting tut just now. completely clueless on how to do it. die.

i think many mths of slacking has really done bad things to me. ha. now,i have no intention of going for a leadership role at all. like, the university mountaineering club is getting those who wanna run for exco to go for some talk. but im too lazy. ha. im thinking tt's gna take up much of my evening tv times, and i just sian diao. this is very very bad. and i would console myself by saying, i'll do it next yr. HA. im a lazy pig.

and having quite many free time allows me to think abt a lot of stuff. unhappy stuff. seems to me that i have been walking ard with a heavy feeling in my heart. aint good at all. at least im writing it in my ever so reliable diary.

on me

hello world...

went for level 1 sports climbing today a safra toa payoh.
i was looking forward to it loads cos going for this course has been something i have been wanting to do for long, but keep procrastinating, and now, im finally doing it.

learnt abt the equipments needed and how to tie the rope and belay, but not much how techniques on how to make the climb easier, such as using our body weight and momentum and all.

there were 6 girls altogether. 3 of them were able to reach the top of the wall, which the instructor said that "it's so easy everyone can reach the top". sadly, i dont belong to the 'everyone'. it was 8m tall. i was stuck at ard the 4.5m point and couldnt continue. I was really disappointed with myself. all the 3 girls who managed to reach the top were not sporty people. like seriously, one of them, mentioned to me she wanted to try out sports now in uni cos her body is weak and she's starting to exercise now cos she wanna strengthens her body. and me? the regular runner who strength trains as well, cant complete the climb. i know that rock climbing and running use different sets of muscles entirely, but i cant help but feel like a loser. like, what's the point of doing so much?

then i thought about my achievements over the years.
When i first started out in netball in primary school, i was the goal shooter, then moved on to goal attack cos i wasnt tall enough. then in secondary school, i continued to play goal attack for a while, before changing to wing attack, and sometimes centre. in the process, i moved from being the main 7 to the reserved. It sucked. cos people usually become better as they play more, but i wasnt. though i did make it to national under15s team, but there were quite a number of pple who made it there.

then i switched to cross country running. my body is not exactly made for running cos of my short legs and heavy weight. but i persevered on, cos i wanted to show people that fat people can run well too. sadly, in the 2 years of my junior college life, i didnt get to run in the national cross country competition at all. i did take part in the mini competitions, but the feeling's just different. and my PB for 2.4km sucks as well. In the 2nd year, sucky things had to happen and all i could do was cheer my team on while they trained so hard during the crazy intervals and long runs. as a vice-capt, i wasnt able to run with them and suffer with them. many times i thought to myself, what kind of leader am i, to see my teammates train so hard for the school and i wasnt participate in the trainings with them, to know how they feel? sure, i did try my best to organize the camp and encouraged them, but i knew, it wasnt enough.

sometimes i wonder if i have any talent at all.

i remembered clearly, in sec 1, those who hadnt got at least a bronze in swimmming had to go for the swimming course to pass the test and get the cert. I knew how to swim, so i was in the better group, in the sense that we would get the bronze cert at the end of the course, but for those who had no idea of swimming at all, would get some other cert. so anyway, there was this session where the coach threw his goggles at the deepest point in the 1.8m pool and everybody had her turn to dive down and retrieve it. when i heard that, i was like, shit, cos i didnt know how to dive at all. i let everyone else went first, and all of them could retrieve it. my heart sank deeper as it was going to be my turn soon. when the instructor asked who else had not done it, i was prepared to hide myself at one corner and kept my mouth shut. but, some of them looked at me and i knew there was no way out. so i dragged myself to do it. as expected, i didnt manage to reach it. i tried many times, pushing myself down into the base of the pool, but before i could even touch the goggles, i was up. 2 of the girls, michelle and kimberley gave me pointers on how to do it. i tried using their advice,but still failed. in the end, the instructor asked kimberley to take it for me. i was so embarrassed, and was on the verge of crying. it was only until i was showering after the lesson that i had it out. i felt so bad and kept thinking how useless i was.

many atimes i also had feelings like that. during intelligent discussions in class, i was never the one to come up with the most important point, not even anything close. how i wish someday, i can make some sort of intelligent comment and that the tutor will point at me and said with admiration, "yes, that's what i have been waiting to hear", or just simply, "YES!". i dont know, maybe this day will come, or maybe never will, since im not the type of person who thinks. i just follow. and though some people may say i did well in my studies and all, it's not because im smart. im not smart. in fact, im slower than others in studying. and my method of studying is wrong. i dont understand, i only memorise. i guess the only thing i am relieved of is i can memorise stuff a little bit better than the rest.

not just in studies, but just simply during trainings. during sprints, im always one of the last few to reach the line. no matter how hard i pushed, i can never be faster than them. no matter how hard i try, my balls are always softer than others.

today, i felt the same way again. i tried my best, i really did try my very best, but i couldnt finish the climb. i was so lousy that the instructor could remember my name. and he only remembered a few names. even though i got my level 1 cert at the end, so what. anybody can get that as well.

i dont well. it just seems that i cant seem to do anything well, like i have no particular talent at all. yes i know, it's not just abt talent, there needs to be hard work as well. but sometimes, working hard is not plainly not enough.

emo entry, forgive me.

on busy

hello world.

these few days have been busy busy busy.
got my textbooks already, have been reading through them and notes, trying hard to understand, and doing the tutorials.
i realise i like accounting. ha. maybe cos now still the basic level? but i love the sense of satisfaction after my balance sheets are done. ha.
i hate business law and financial management. no wonder the requirement for getting into law is at least an A2 in GP, cos the english must really be very zai to understand what the documents are talking about.
and financia management is a big big headache. i have been spending a lot of time on this core.
IT is still ok la.

so far my tutors are pretty good. funny.

and yes, it is possible to pay attention throughout the 2 hrs lectures or tutorials or 3 hr seminar. and it is important to be able to do that, if not i would have difficulty catching what the tutor said after i switched back.

and on the following week, i have 2 presentations crammped in tt week. sian diao.
and project work has started for financia management. and we have only 1 and half week to complete it and hand it in. siao man.

seriously, now is busy time and it's just my 2nd week here in uni la! la

anyway, gg for level 1 sports climbing this sat. yeah! and think i'll most prob join bouldering club. and i found someone who has the same name as me! as in my chi name la.. hers is yvvone gwee ling xiu. haha. she's from ipoh, msia and had went thru 3 mths of NS. interesting...

and sadly, my milege this few days have been pathetic. and ahm is next week. this is very bad. and now im having sore throat and cough. bleah.

on tdy

hello world.

im in my hostel room now! ha. brought my laptop to school and yeah, connect successfully to the internet here.

had my first IT seminar today. the lecturer is great. ha. so funny. and i must say the course is pretty interesting... alright, finally something i can handle. ha.

and i realise i have 2 tutorials to be done before wed. oops.

and, finally, my digital box has arrived in the shop, only getting it tmr. sad. this means no tv tonight. boo.

im still stuck at what cca to join.. and it's quite dumb the cca fair last only 2 days. i can only check it out tmr. a bit the rush ah.

ok, all in all, today is a good day, besides the fact that i havent gotten my texbooks yet. bleah.

on tdy

hello world.

today has been good so far. morning went for a run with zzz at east coast, then headed to buy peanut pancake for breakfast, then to her place to swim, or rather slack. ha.
aileen overslept and didnt join us for the run. but she went to zzz's place to meet us after that.
talked and hung out together. yup, it was good to meet them after such a long while. sadly roxanne had make up lecture and couldnt join us.

zzz baked this chocolate cake for us. it was so sinful! ha. got chocolate woozed out from the cake somemore.. and had some donuts too. yummy.

then went aston's for lunch. ha, finally, i get to eat there. heard many reviews about the place, that the food is cheap. yup, it is cheap for western food. but quality wise, so-so ok la.

it had been a long time since i went katong, and oh boy, so much has changed! i mean in terms of the makan places there. new restaurants are popping up! i could remember the days when i was in tkgs, and took bus 32 or 40 home, then i would pass the many eateries there and thought to myself, someday i wanna go there and eat. ha, but somehow that didnt really happen. ho. today, as i took 40 home, i realised there were many new eateries there liao. cool. the east is such a wonderful place compared to the west. ha.

anyway, im sad. my watch strap broke. and i only got the watch last yr from my sis as my bday present. this is pathetic compared to my blue nike one which lasted me for about 3/4 yrs. now i have to make a trip down to fj benjamin for servicing, cos i have 2 yrs warranty for that. but dunno if they will fix it for me or not. boo. i like this watch so much, partly cos it's red. boo.

printing lecture notes and tutorials is such an irritating task.

on ytd

hello world.

firstly, happy birthday Singapore.

went east coast ytd with fana and weel. weel wanted to learn how to cycle. but being a bad teacher, it wasnt really successful. ha. but there were some progress la. sun was good too. saw many army guys running. they were wearing different colour tees, and we thought the colours represent something.

then went to the breakwater and slacked a bit. took some photos. there were many ppl there, cos schools were having half days.. seriously, spore is getting over-populated.

anyway, really, it is during times of trouble when i will know who really cares for me, esp my family. they stand by me all these while and are very accomodating to my ridiculous behaviour. and my mum, well, i cant think of a word to describe her, but i guess the word "wow" will suffice. and friends too. thanks loads ppl.

and i know, and i get the hint, i should just shut up and back off. it's hard. but i will. sorry.

on my first day in school

hello world.

im back from hostel! ha, well, i only stayed for one night there this week cos tutorials start only next week. so basically, my wed is free! (for this week) and so im here at home. oh ya, aneesa is so lucky. her lessons start next week.

and sadly, friday there is a makeup seminar at 830am in the morning. guess i have to crawl to ntu early in the morning...so much for a long weekend.. haha

anyway, yesterday had orientation. got to meet my tutorial mates. not bad. quite a fun bunch of ppl, though i cant rmb all their names yet. and at time i felt a bit left out cos they were talking about their hall and nbs camps..

slept alone yesterday night. it was okay la, cos i wanted a single occupancy room anyway... more privacy and all. i was bored from 8 plus to 9 plus, and he was alone in his bunk. so he called and we talked on the phone for an hour plus. thank goodness for him, if not i'll just lie on the bed and rot. i could have gone to the common room to watch tv, but i felt awkward going inside the room alone. hey you, thanks once again. :)

had my first lecture today on accounting and business law. im so lost in biz law and it's only the first lecture. this is bad. at least for accounting it wasnt so bad. and now have to print my own lecture notes.. very leychey.. luckily i met bee teng ytd on my way to the comp lab and she had a printed copy of the notes with her. so i just borrowed her notes and went to photocopy. ha. and textbooks! to me, i dont see the need to buy textbooks YET. but my mates are like discussing the purchasing of the books liao... guess im not the only mugger in the group. ha.

and all this academic units thingy is driving me nuts. i seriously catch no balls on these stuff. need sis to explain to me. it's a bit intimidating that the my tut mates know so much abt it and im like, huh. and i need to sign up for electives.. what GE and PE.. blah blah blah.

then, afer all these hoo-ha, we are told that the max number of AUs we can take for sem 1 is 16.. which is like, our 4 main cores la. so tt means no electives yet la. diao.

on untitled

hello world.

finally moved my stuff into hostel. dang it, the antenna doesnt work and i have to spend additional 100 bucks for a digital box which can only receive ch 5,8 and CNA. what to do. sigh. will only get the box on wed. so meaning the tv in my room is pretty useless now.

had class bbq ytd, though not many turned up. but it was good to see them after such a long while and finding out which they are up to now.

had a nice long talk with samuel, whom i havent seen for a long long time.

then i did a silly thing.

on a beautiful story

Thanks to those who showed concern for me... really means a lot to me to know that you people care... and i'll be fine.

Below is what my wonderful friend has written. It is so beautifully written that i have to share it with others..It made me and my sis cried buckets.. and perhaps it will make you too..

you're a wonderful girl. you're beautiful. no matter how i see it.

05/04/2007 thursday - 02/08/2007 thursday
3 months and 28 days.
i had the time of my life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is a story about a boy and a girl.
it begun when they were kids.
life was immature, childish and worry-free for how long it lasted.
crazy crushes were all over this primary school class that they were in.

he took a liking for this girl.
had secretly admired her for many months.
he knew her. they were friends. ordinary friends.
she stayed in that block just behind his.

so one night, after group tuition at the community centre.
he decided he might want to do something.
he had brought along 10cent coins.
went to this telephone booth just outside the community centre.
hesitated for an hour or more.
then he took up his courage.he phoned her.
told her his feelings for her.
he asked her. "will you be my girl?".
she couldnt answer him on the spot.
so he gave her 3 days to consider.
childish it seems.

she was confused.
and she wrote in her diary.
that single entry which had him all over it.
he didnt see it until recently when he chanced upon her diary entries accidentally.
"ngiam is a good guy. but he was supposed to be with valerie"
valerie was a good fren of hers in her small clique.
and she had like this guy wei sheng all along and much more.

things didnt work out in the end.
it didnt turn out like what he wanted.
heartbroken, he save what little pride he had left.
doing something stupid which in turn broke her heart too.
he was young. he was foolish.
he was only 12. so was she.

but they remain as friends.
and she would be his final crush in the final years he spend in the school.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

they went on to be friends for many years.
she studied in a school next to his.
and although their schools and homes were so close to each other.
they hardly met or chanced up each other coincedentally.
she was always early - very early for school.
he was always late - very late for school.

they were very different.yet.
slowly but surely this friendship of theirs grew closer.
since fate wasnt providing chances for them to meet up coincedentally.
he often ask her out for lunch, dinner or just to meet up and catch up.
he enjoyed her company very much.
they helped each other alot in studies, in giving each other comfort, motivation, and beliefs.

exams neared. he didnt like to study alone nor he really gave much thought on studying.
since he always made it through without difficulty.
but because he was still immature, while she was already half of a young lady.
and he had often ask her out to the library as study sessions.
vividly he recalls the images. of her.
sitting across him in the library table studying furiously while he was bored - so bored.
bored because she was intensely doing her work, not wanting to talk to him, not paying attention to him.
she was a hardworking girl as of always, she knew what she needed to do - study.

the boy.
out of desperation, he had NO CHOICE but to study too during these study sessions with her.
it helped him alot. he often asked her alot of questions - to clarify his curiousity.
he often asked her questions she herself dont understand.
she will give him the puzzled look which he love.
she was of great help to him in his studies. taught him alot on maths.
though many atimes he had purposely asked her to teach him even though he knew how to do and the answers to these questions.
he just wanted her to talk more to him. that's all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

time passed.
school only got tougher.
this time round. he had gain maturity.
he finally realised hardwork was important in success too.
she had difficulty in econs so he often taught her on econs.
shared and explain many theories which most of the times she had difficulty understanding him.

he had always kept in contact with her.
and always asked her out.
for a walk at the beach, for meals etc.
they had helped each other through the bad times.
comforting and finding solutions for problems they had each encountered in their lives.
from work, to school, to family and relationships.

slowly, he didnt realised she was becoming important to him.
because she was one of those few persons he could speak his mind to.
everything under the sun, everything he was thinking and every problem he had could be shared to her without barrriers.
he was educated, taught and social conditioned to be brave and not show signs of weakness at all times.
hence he hardly show or tell others the weaker side of him except her.
somehow, he felt comfortable and at ease with her.

he would have normally put everything in him and let them devour him.
but she gave him a way to express his feelings and thoughts.
to show that weaker side of him which he would rather die than show anyone.

and there was this year. they were both 18. year 2006.
he cant remember the date.
but it was valetines day.
he had no date.
he wasn't bothered at all.
school ended early so he went home and decided to go out for a cycle around this tiny island he lives on.

then he thought of her.
he had this little gift he had prepared for her.
so he put this gift into his pouch and went to cycle.
many many many kilometres he cycled.
from the north-eastern of the tiny island to marine parade.
he smsed her if she was free to meet him for dinner.
she agreed.

he was there early.
she didnt arrived on time.
so he waited for quite awhile.
and then he decide to cycle back home

her cellphone was out of batteries.
she had training after school.
and her classes ended real late.
she couldnt reached him.
in the end she used her fren's cell and text him a message.

he was already halfway home.
he cycled ALL THE WAY back to meet her.
to had dinner with her.
then he walked her home.
from marine parade through east coast park to her home in bedok.
they took a long walk.
she shared her problems.
he offered her solutions.
then below the block when he was about to leave.
he took out the small gift from his pouch and said to her "happy valentine day"

that had make his day.
and so did it make her day too as she told him years later.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

school was finally over.
for how short it seems the past 15 years.
education was halted for many months.
he was enlisted to serve the nation.
while she enjoy the carefree break she deserved.
she works as a teacher and he loves her for that.

times were tough for him.
he had to adapt himself to a system that was FLAWED and totally different from what he know from his society.
once, he only obey orders from one person - himself.
now he was like a slave. his freedom taken. his life was halted.
but he endured. for he knows he will make him a better man.
he was matured enough.

feelings for her grew more and much more.
because he finally understood what he wanted.
it was all along in front of him and yet he was so blinded.
and took for granted of this girl.

then life got really tough for him.
and school was starting in several months.
he wanted to tell her again that he likes her.
that she was important to him.
just like what he did in those young days.

it was a thursday night.
he had suffered pain and anguish.
he came out of camp, took a cab and fetch her from her work.
they went to the beach, ate and slack on that beach.

then. he took up his courage one more time.
to ask her again. to express his feelings again.
they were staring at the sky and stars with the ocean breeze caressing their cheeks.
he took her hand and held it tight.
told her everything he wanted her to know.
and asked the question again "will you be my girlfriend"

he had thought long and hard about this decision he was about to make.
he was already prepared for failure.
and all he wanted was to tell her how much she was worth to him before she embark on a new chapter of her life.
he just wanted to say it all out.
he was prepared for her to reject him for so many so many reasons he had told her.
things like he could not offer her anything.
things like he will be hampering her future.

but he also gave her the word that he will take care of her to the best of his abilities.
for 25minutes. she was silent. thinking hard.
he felt bad. for confusing her.
he was prepared for rejection, so his heart could die and he can concentrate on other things.
then she said yes.

that moment. he felt like the luckiest guy on this earth.
he couldnt understand why she agreed.
but she did.he was delated. he was in shock.
that night, he walked her home.
he wanted to hold her hands and walk her home for the first time.
but he didn't. he was still in shock and he didnt had that courage.
so awkwardly, he sent her back home right to her block.

it was like a fairytale to him.
a wish come true.
something he would have expect that old guy upstairs to ruin it for him.
but it didn't.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

his very first kiss was when she came to her house.
they were preparing to watch a movie together.
she was using his computer at his desk and he was preparing to go take a shower.
and he left her, he hesistated.
turn himself around, reached her lips and kissed her.
he was a fool at such stuff.
he had asked her "can i kiss you" beforehand.
it was more of a peck than a kiss.

so then he was blushing, hoping she couldnt tell.
then he quickly turn himself around, pretended nothing had happen and went into the bathroom.
he was the happiest guy. truthfully he was.

so then.
they went on many dates.
his love for her grew stronger.
they understood each other much much more than what they have already learnt about each other through the years.
she confess her deepest problems to him and so did he.
for that period of time.
he enjoyed every single moment spent with her.

they went to do alot of things together.
constructing beautiful memories of them together as lovers and as a couple.

spending weekends after weekends together.
he was never tired of her company for he loves it.
he was willing to sacrifice everything just to meet her.
she was so important to him

spending weekends after weekends together.
he was never tired of her company for he loves it.
he was willing to sacrifice everything just to meet her.
she was so important to him

once, he was so low.
she made an album of photos of herself for him.
and he kept it in his locker all this while till now.
he still does.using these photos as a pillar for strength and support.

and on his birthday.
she was the sweetest thing ever.
his most well-spent birthday in his entire life.
then he realised how much he loves her.

he had learnt alot from this love of hers.
he learnt to love, to know beyond love.
both of them became matured.
and they were very matured before that.

they often question the possibilty of this love they shared.
they knew reality was harsh.
and she knew the worst outcome of it.
they were both mentally prepared becaue they had many talks over it.
tears were sheared by both over it.

the girl was loved by his folks.
they like this girl.
she was caring, understanding and great.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

days and months passed.
he did everything he could in his ability to fufil his role as her lover.
because to him.
that moment she said yes to him was that moment she became his responsibilty.
he took it serious. for it was his principle.

he wasn't one of those jerks or playboys who had girlfrens so they can enjoy their weekend after a hard week.
because his love for her was too deep.
he realised he wanted the best for her.
for he was lacking so much in his life.
he didnt want her to feel the same because of him.

problems, thoughts and many other issues in his life came up.
he was once again devouring himself with it.
he was torn apart by his logical and emotional brain.
he loved her alot.and he was selfish too.h
e couldnt make up his mind about the future of this relationship.
because he was scared he wont be able to do without her.
that he will lose her forever.
that he just dont want to lose her.

he was dying inside.
she knows.
by all his actions and behaviour.
she knows.

she often prompted him to tell her his problems.
but he didnt want to.
he didnt want to burden her more with what he was already doing.
he felt like a failure.
he felt hopeless.
because there was nothing he could do more for her.
and yet she was doing everything for him.

he felt guilty. he felt pain. he felt useless.
how he wished he could do more for her.
just a little more.
he was a vicim of circumstances. she knows.
because she's the most understanding girl he has ever met

then again on a thursday night.
she came over.
he was so troubled but he didnt want to show it.
but she knew.

then she was brave.
she made a decision.
a decision he didnt want to make because he was scared.
he was selfish.
intially he was so torn apart by it.

then he thought it over through the night.
then he complied with her.
they had reached a mutual agreement to let go.
to set both him and her free.
free of obligations and responsibilities.

it hit them both hard. very hard.
because they were loving each other deeply still.
but they know it was a good decision.
for the long term.

they were mature enough to think for their future and not the present.
she made a decision that would remove the man she loves so deeply from her life.
so did he felt that way for her too.

but reality hit them.
they were both still very young.
with much more in life to grasp.
so thenlet them both be free once again.for her, a new chapter - university shall start.
for him, he wants and needs to work towards his goals and objectives in life.

this fairytale may or may not have a more exciting future.

but for now, it has ended in bliss. they both agreed.
that this relationship was good, so good while it lasted.
and it ended on a high.
where they both still loved each other.
but due to circumstances and reality, they came to a harsh but important decision.

they will still be great friends like they have always been.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he.
he didnt regret any moments loving her.
and any moments in this relationship.
for he learnt alot, experience alot and had great memories.

he felt so many emotions in this relationships, most of the time happy.
there were times he felt anguish, sad, angry etc etc.
but it was good, truthfully.
because it was her making him felt that way.
making him feel real.
making him feel things he never thought he would.
all those good and bad times he had with her were all cherished moments.

still, he felt indebted to her.
for her love was greater than his.
for he could not have done more for her.
and he sometimes felt a failure in him.

his only possible regret in his entire life was this.
whether this decision was right or not.
but only time will tell.
there will be no right or wrong decision.

and he will still care for her as special friend.
he will always be there for her he swore.
he swore with his life.
that when she needs her, he will be there.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she.
she told him via text.
she thanked him for everything he has done for her.
its seems alot to her but little to him.
nonetheless, she knew what he felt.
she told him he wasn't a failure.
and that assurance made him felt so much better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

for once.
this guy who often complained and argued about his life decided not to.
because for once.
he didnt felt that his old friend upstairs was playing him again.

no.
he just want to thank that guy.
because he enjoyed his time with her.
and for how short of long it doesn't matter to him.

because he knows.
he know he has had SUCH A WONDERFUL GIRL as his first love.
and he was happy.
and he was satisfied.
and he was lucky to have her for however the short time.

he was this lucky guy to had love her.
and for that.he didnt want to be greedy anymore.
though he wanted to keep her by his side.

he is now.
very thankful for what he had.
and he thanks his old friend up there.
thankyou pal.

you have really brighten my life.

and YOU. the girl.
you really make my life.
you rock my world.
make me a man there didn't exist before you came in.

thankyou.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. not matter how i see it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he still and very much believe in fate.
if they're meant to be together they will be.
like what he told her.
10, 20 years, maybe they will be together again.
and at that time.
it would be so much better, when both of them are independent.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

now.
staring at his monitor.
he wonders to himself.
how things would turn out differently if he had realised his love for her sooner.
and that this relationship would have started way early when they were still schooling.

maybe. just maybe.
he thinks. he wonders.

====================================================================

he now smiles again.
he had cried too much the previous night.
till his eyes were swollen.
exactly the state of him when he cried when his grandfather died.

time will heals.
thats what she told him.
and that both of them will be fine.
he knows that too.

and with this end.
comes a new beginning which he hopes both him and her shall embrace.
to live their lives out to the maximum.
thats what he is trying to do now.
and thats what he want her to do.

=)

all good things come to an end, by death or by decision.
or so he believes.

on a story

I just read a book. It was a beautiful story.

There are two main characters in the story- a boy and a girl.

The boy, like mainly other fairy tales, is tall and good-looking, though not exactly very dark. He has high cheekbones and a pair of intense eyes that can melt any girl's heart. He has very broad shoulders which makes the girl in his arms feel very protected. He takes pride in his collarbones and looks damm good in any thing he wears. He is a people-orientated person. He takes really good care of people he knows and will do his best to help them if they are in trouble. He has an endless thirst for knowledge, which girls find very attractive. He can easily sweep any girl off her feet by sharing his knowledge with her. He is a deep thinker as well. It is not easy to comprehend what is going on in his mind.

The girl, unlike mainly other fairy tales, isn't pretty. She's just an average girl with average looks. She's not very tall, and is rather stocky. She's a rather quiet person - if left alone in an unfamiliar group, she'd rather not talk. She hates changes. She prefers small groups of really close friends, as oppose to big groups. She does think quite a bit, but keeps her thoughts to herself as she is afraid her thoughts are immature compared to what others think.

This boy and this girl met while in primary school. They remained good friends all the way till after junior college, when the girl was working, and the boy was in national service. The boy mentioned before, both of them were like "heaven and hell", very different. But, opposites do attract. One particular night in April, they met at the beach, and that's when the romance started.

They left their footsteps around the island they live in-from the west, in Pasir Panjang, to the east, at Pasir Ris. They spent numerous happy times together-cycling, celebrating each other's birthdays, going theme parks, watching movies, bullying each other, or simply doing nothing. As long as they had each other's company, it was enough. They learnt from each other and grew mature. They were each other's pillar of support. Yes, there were tears shed, but they managed to resolve it somehow.

The story could go on with more happy times spent together. But then things started to change. The boy was facing a whole load of problems, and the girl was part of the problems. She wanted to help. She thought, and managed to come up with a solution. She wished she had the ability to come up with another one, but she couldn't. Initially, she was selfish. She didnt want to use that solution as she loves the boy too much. However, as times went by, the boy was sinking furthur. The girl decided to go ahead with the solution. She knew she had to be firm.

It was painful for both of them. She didnt expect it to hurt that much. But like what the boy said, if they were meant to be together, they would be -ten, twenty years later. Time will heal the wounds. Meanwhile, they would still be good friends. And friends are always there for each other. However, there is just one last thing the girl is regretful about- the poem which she requested during the April night, she didnt have the chance to get it. (Ha)

It was a really great story. I never regret any of my time reading it. Nobody knows how the story will continue, except, perhaps the author, Fate.

Closing time, every new beginning come from some other beginning's end.

on tdy

hello world.

yup, matriculated today and got my timetable. not bad... mon to wed got 4 hrs of school, thurs got 3. and fri and sat off! yeah! haha. very happy with that.

went to buy everything i need for hostel stay. spent a lot. really A LOT. bought a 2nd hand bike, a flat screen tv, a table for the tv, an antenna for the tv, broom, and the everyday stuff. and im not done packing everything, but already have 4 bags of stuff. haiyo.

i wanna complain about my leg! my iliotibal band... boohoo. why am i always injured... bleah.

i wanna run. there's the army half marathon at the end of the month! how to run well like that? argh.

this sucks. and i cant even swim. bleah. i hate the guilt that is building up in me.